Dear Book Pirates (and Those Who Support Book Piracy),
You didn’t invite me, however beginning today I will stop by your homes at an undisclosed time everyday to see what you have in your fridge. You see, yesterday a homeless person stopped me on the street and asked me for something to eat. As you know, good food is way over-priced, and that poor fellow can’t afford to buy anything healthy!
Since you obviously have more food than you need, I’m going to take whatever I can carry out of your fridge, freezer, and pantry and distribute it to the homeless and to the poor people in third-world countries. After all, they need it and have more rights to it than you or your families.
And if you stand up to me about doing this then you’re nothing more than a greedy elitist pig. You should share what you have with the "less fortunate." That's what I'm here for--to make sure you do share, whether you want to or not.
See you soon!
PS - Don't bother hiding your jewelry. I will find it and take it to a pawn shop then distribute the money to women's shelters and soup kitchens--because I'm such a good person like that.
For those of you who ever wondered what the big deal is about books being pirated, this letter should clear it up. It's theft. It's a violation, like having your purse snatched, wallet lifted, identity stolen, home broken into.
It is no more okay for someone to steal the copyrighted intellectual property of any artist then it is for me to break into your home and take whatever I want. It's illegal and immoral, and I am flabbergasted that anyone can condone such actions.